please come you make the beer taste better
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
