I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
