Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
