Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
