I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is the high leading the old right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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