He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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