we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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