remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
