life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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