hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
