She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
