She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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