What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
