Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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