Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this just has baby written all over it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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