You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
