i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
