Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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