well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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