I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we're so committed to being not committed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
