I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
