I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
