I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
