just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
barbara walters just said penis...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
