he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
