make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
