I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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