she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
then he tried to convert me to islam
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
