Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
