Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
