Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
