just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
