I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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