Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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