we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
