just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
