My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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