if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
