The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
