I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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