just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
