Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
