I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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