TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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