I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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