I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
