he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
