Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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