I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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