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sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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