Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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