We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
