I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
