I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
