Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
