if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
