I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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