I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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