You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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