Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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