I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
