I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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