I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
