becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
