just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
