Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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